How Do YOU Make Marriage Last?
“And in the end, the love you take is
equal to the love you make.”
-John Lennon and
Paul McCartney
Happy 5th anniversary to my husband Trevor! Here we are 5 years later. 5 years after our friends and family vacationed in the Mayan Riviera to watch us say “I do”.
5 years after we officially joined our lives together. 5 years later: a home in Calgary and 2
beautiful boys.
I’m no relationship expert and 5 years of marriage is a long
way from 50 but I am proud of these 5 years.
What a learning experience it has been for both of us. Marriage can be fabulous! You have someone to share your life with,
your hopes, your stories, your dreams. Trevor is
always the first person I call with good news because he is my best friend. Our idea of a wonderful evening
is a glass of wine and catching up on one of our “shows”, just spending time together. I love my husband. I am still confident that I picked a caring, kind and most of all GOOD person to share my life with.
On the flip side, I’m not a sugar coater (as some of you
may know), so I’m going to say it:
marriage is hard work! Throw children into the mix and it becomes 10
times harder. I notice a direct
correlation of my husband and I’s moods against how well our children are
behaving. The terrible twos nearly broke
us! Some nights, after Trevor has worked
10-12 hours downtown and I have worked taking care of the kids all day, we use
our last bit of energy just to crawl into bed.
How do you still have time for each other? How do you keep the romance
alive?
So in saying that, what makes a marriage work? What makes it last? I asked my Facebook friends to weigh in
because none of us are experts in this field but we all have advice to offer.
I LOVE all the comments that I received. Clearly, people think about this sort of
thing everyday. There was an underlying
theme that everyone seems to mention: respect, trust, kindness and
acceptance.
Here are a few of my favourites:
“Never say a bad word about your spouse to anyone else…
even when you want to kill him.”
“Maintain the romance once the kids come.”
“Remember that they aren’t perfect….But perfect for you.”
“Never go to bed angry, always talk things through.”
“Know how to appreciate each other.”
“Try to respect each other’s opinion even if you do not
agree.”
“Date nights with each other! At least once a month.”
“Admit your mistakes and say you’re sorry sincerely, do more
than say I love you.”
“Don’t take any argument too seriously.”
“100% acceptance of your spouse and leave room for their
personal growth.”
“Remember you are on the same team, and everything you do is
for the good of the team!”
“Hold hands while you are walking, tell each other every day
how much you love one another.”
“Be kind, and know how to say I am sorry.”
“Always ask yourselves “Is the juice worth the squeeze?”
These are all things that we need to stop to remind ourselves of some days. I know, I do. In an attempt to reconnect and have some time alone together, Trevor and I
are heading to Italy for 10 days. Traveling
is something we both love. In our busy days of life and kids, it will be so nice to pause and try and rekindle that love. I can’t wait for it.
My weigh in?
Keep yourself happy. I felt that
after having the boys, I lost a bit of the “old me”. My identity became 90% wife and mother. That’s why I started Harper’s Hats. That’s why I’ve recently started blogging. It makes me happy. It gives me an outlet and allows me to grow as an individual. We need to be happy with ourselves to share that happiness with others. Some days are tough but others are wonderful. We just have to try and focus on the good (even though it’s easier said than done somedays)!
Style Side Note: My new necklace that I received as a beautiful gift. Our initials, the guardian angel charm and our wedding day anniversary engraved on the ID Tag from Stella & Dot. LOVE this idea for any occasion!
Do you have any advice to offer? What makes your marriage work?
Love always,
Kiki
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